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[Exhibit A] Tarot Deck Accused Of Withholding Evidence In Cold Case Reading

Jul 6, 2026

CASE FILE: TAROT-2023-0117-BLACKWOOD SUBJECT: “The Lovers” (Card VI) – Alleged Withholding of Evidentiary Material CLASSIFICATION: FOR OFFICIAL USE ONLY // PSYCHOMETRIC DIVISION DATE OF INCIDENT: 15 NOVEMBER 2023 DISTRIBUTION: Bureau of Esoteric Affairs;...

[Statement From The Deck] Inheritance Tax Audit Of The Collective Unconscious

Jul 6, 2026

I am the Ace of Pentacles, and I have been pulled 4,000 times. Not once did anyone ask how I was doing. They always want me for my money. Or what they think is my money. They slap me down on a velvet cloth, their fingers trembling with greed or desperation, and they...

[Unsolicited Prophecy] The cards said something before I understood it and here is what happened

Jul 4, 2026

THE CARDS HAVE SPOKEN—though the cards, I must confess, are not speaking to me today. They are speaking through me, and I am a vessel, hollow as a dried gourd with a crack in the bottom where the tea drips out. Do not interrupt the prophecy. The prophecy is flammable....

[The Tourist] Tarot Deck Now Archiving Every Unsolicited Advice Column

Jul 2, 2026

The Fool’s Guide to Absolutely Everything (Even If You Don’t Ask for It) Hello, dear reader! Welcome to my very first advice column. I don’t know why they gave me this job, but I’m certain it’s because I’m the most trustworthy person in the whole tarot deck. I found...

[The Tourist] Tarot Deck Sued By Former Participant In Group Ritual Gone Wrong

Jul 2, 2026

My Expert Take on the Lawsuit Against That Poor, Misunderstood Tarot Deck Hello, dear readers! I have been an expert in tarot and legal matters for—let me check my watch—roughly twenty minutes now, and I have never felt more qualified to speak on the subject of a very...

[Cold Read] Incident report: subject pulled the Tower three times in one week, claimed surprise

Jun 29, 2026

INCIDENT REPORT: CARDIO-PSYCHOLOGICAL AUTOPSY Subject: Individual, Unidentified (hereafter “Decedent of Denial”) Incident Type: Repetitive Trauma Exposure Date of Occurrence: One Calendar Week Evidence Exhibits: Three (3) Tower cards, drawn consecutively...

[The Tourist] What asking the same question fourteen times tells the cards about you

Jun 29, 2026

Oh, hello, you — yes, you, with the deck of cards that keep falling off the table. I see you picking them up again. I see you shuffling them for the fifteenth time today. And I just want you to know: I think that’s beautiful. You have asked the same question fourteen...

[Trend Report] Fall collection preview: catastrophe as aesthetic, despair as silhouette

Jun 27, 2026

THE FALL COLLECTION: CATASTROPHE AS AESTHETIC, DESPAIR AS SILHOUETTE By Doom Doom Chic The leaves are turning brown. The sky is turning gray. Your heart is turning into a fistful of broken glass that you’ve somehow managed to arrange into a passable choker. Welcome,...

[Filed Under Over] Warrant Issued For Page Of Pentacles Over Unpaid Internship Labor

Jun 27, 2026

IN MEMORY OF: THE PAGE OF PENTACLES Beloved card. Died of exhaustion, then of irrelevance. Taken into custody by the District Court of Practical Realities. The Page of Pentacles, age indeterminate but always young, passed quietly this week in a studio apartment with...

[Cold Read] Time of death: the moment you asked if they were coming back

Jun 25, 2026

AUTOPSY REPORT #449B – CASE OF THE TWO OF CUPS (REVERSED) PRELIMINARY FINDINGS The subject is presented on my slab in a state of advanced emotional ossification. The Two of Cups, reversed. The card is damp—not with rain, but with the kind of cold sweat that lingers...

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